Post by Raine Adams on Jan 8, 2009 12:07:32 GMT -5
What I can leave for remembrance.
August 12, 2008
August 12, 2008
It's not as if I even tried to turn out like this. I never told myself, "Raine, you listen here! You're going to grow up weird whether you like it or not!" No. I wasn't expecting this and I'm sure as hell that fate hadn't planned this for me either. You could say that I'm a little unpredictable. Well, you could say a lot of things about me. I'm different. So what? I only wish it was like that. I can only wish it was even that easy. But its not or at least it didn't use to be. Nope, not for Raine Lee Adams. Different was bad; in fact different in a small town was practically a sin.
Yeah, I tend to not go into great detail when asked about my childhood. It really wasn't that bad, honest. It was neither depressing or tragic. . .
You know the feeling of falling? It begins with a head rush and it takes your brain a few seconds to register the fact that you are no longer on solid ground . . .right?
After that, you go into shock and you get that weightless, nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach. That's exactly how I felt when my brother, Trever, announced that he was leaving home. I was about twelve at the time and he was taking off to go join the army. There was nothing I could do to make sense of it in my head.
Later, after dinner, he pulled me aside and told me this: " If you ever get the chance to get out take it. But Raine. . .please understand, this is my chance now. My escape." My only brother then kissed me on the forehead and left. I was confused and devastated. It felt like my whole world was crashing around me. Who's fault was it? Mine? My parents? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that he was my only sibling, my one confident, and my best friend. If only I had known. Known how hard it is to leave but how easy it was to go. Then maybe, I wouldn't have resented him for all those years.
I miss him so much.
My brother gave me the greatest gift I could have ever imagined. He gave me my key to freedom.
I owe Trever so much.
